|“||All hands, prepare for... penetration!
My butthole's not ready for penetration.
|— Will Riker and Jean-Luc Picard|
2360s ("Shut Up, Wesley!")
William Thomas Riker, better known as Will or William, was a male Human who lived during the 24th century. He served in Starfleet as first officer of the USS Enterprise-D and held the rank of commander as of the 2360s.
Biography[edit | edit source]
In the mid-2360s, Will was serving as first officer of the Galaxy-class USS Enterprise-D. On one particular morning, Will informed Captain Picard of a new health law passed by the Federation Council, banning all use of marijuana on board any starship. He also told the captain that their old menace, Wesley Crusher, was returning to the ship. The duo later met in the transporter room to greet young Crusher when he arrived. Will's mood continued to decline as he learned that Wesley and Deanna Troi had an affair before he left.
Later on, Riker questioned why Picard took inspiration from U.S. President Barack Obama, over someone "more French", like Napoléon. He also informed Picard that he had hidden the marijuana in a "safe place." Riker debriefed the senior staff of their options to either patrol the neutral zone for Gorn rapist vessels, or explore an uncharted system. President Obama ultimately was given the authority to choose their destination, and chose the latter.
Upon arriving in the uncharted system, the Enterprise was greeted by a Borg raping vessel. Following an unsavory threat, Riker informed the crew to "prepare for... penetration." Q, however, intervened, explaining that he set up the whole scenario, hoping the Enterprise crew could teach Obama some morals. Will found it laughable that they could teach him anything. After Q left, Riker handed Picard a marijuana joint to ease his headache.
Appendices[edit | edit source]
Appearances[edit | edit source]
- Sexy Trek – "Shut Up, Wesley!" (First appearance)
- Sexy Trek – "Killary"
- Sexy Trek – "Grand Nagus Smackdown" (Upcoming content)
Notes and references[edit | edit source]
[edit | edit source]
- William T. Riker at Memory Alpha, the Star Trek wiki
- William T. Riker at Memory Beta, the non-canon Star Trek wiki
[edit | edit source]
|v - e - ?||USS Enterprise-D|
|Command crew||Beverly Crusher • Data • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Deanna Troi • Worf|
|Duty officers||Reginald Barclay • "Nobody" • Miles O'Brien|
|Civilians||Wesley Crusher^ • Keiko Ishikawa|
|v - e - ?||Starfleet|
|Leadership||Alynna Nechayev • Nakamura|
|Officers||USS Enterprise-D personnel|
|Starships||USS Enterprise • USS Enterprise-D|