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"Shut Up, Wesley!" is the first chapter of the first volume of Sexy Trek, written between November and December 2014 and published on 17 December 2014. It is authored by CaptFredricks.

Wesley Crusher returns to the USS Enterprise-D, causing a series of unfortunate events. Meanwhile, United States President Barack Obama appears inexplicably from the 21st century, providing some entertainment for the crew.



Captain Jean-Luc Picard is in his quarters taking a shower when he accidentally drops his bar of soap. Data walks in uninvited, startling Picard. When asked why he's there, Data indicates he heard a strange noise and is investigating. Picard realizes it was his singing, but Data doesn't believe it counts as singing. After coaxing Data to leave, Picard is contacted by Commander William T. Riker about a new law passed by the Federation that bans marijuana use on all starships in the fleet. Picard, somewhat fazed by this, refuses to let it ruin his day. However, Riker also tells him that Wesley Crusher is coming aboard, which brings Picard's mood down considerably.



Teaser • Jean-Luc Picard • Data • William T. Riker • Act I • Miles O'Brien • Wesley Crusher • Worf • Geordi La Forge • Barack Obama • Act II • Deanna Troi • "Ensign Nobody" • Q
Referenced only
Teaser • Beverly Crusher • Act I • Keiko Ishikawa • Kahless the Unforgettable • Napoléon Bonaparte • James T. Kirk • Mr. Writer • Justin Bieber • Act II • Alynna Nechayev


Teaser • USS Enterprise-D


Referenced only
Act I • Starfleet Academy • Earth

Other references[]

Governments and organizations[]

Starfleet (not by name) • United Federation of Planets


Borg • Gorn • Klingon


admiral • captain • crewman • ensign


21st century • 24th century • French • Klingon opera • number one



Background and trivia[]

  • This chapter received a substantial revision in January 2022 to bring it up to par with the later chapters. No major events were changed, but several new lines of dialogue were added, which provided additional context to certain scenes. For example:
    • The scene where Wesley arrives adds more dialogue for all characters present.